“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32, KJV).

Nothing Bundt Cake.
Junior’s cheesecake.
Tiramisu.

If you are ever serving any of those, please invite me. I will come hungry and fully prepared for a fellowship meal.
I also love Peanut M&M’s and Raisinets. Clearly, I have a weakness for the sweet stuff.
Apparently, I am not alone.

Researcher Jacob E. Steiner conducted pioneering studies of newborns’ reactions to taste. Give a baby something sweet and the face tends to relax. Sour and bitter tastes produce a very different response: pursed lips, squinting, grimacing, rejection.

No one had to teach them that. No one has to teach us either. From our earliest moments, there seems to be something in us that welcomes the sweet and resists the sour. That explains more than my relationship with cheesecake. It may explain something about our relationships with people. We love sweet people. Sweet friendships. Sweet marriages. Sweet church members. People who understand us, affirm us, remember our birthdays, return our texts, laugh at our jokes, and somehow know what we need without being told.

We move toward what feels good and away from what hurts. We move towards the pleasurable and away from the pain.
The problem is that relationships are not always sweet, especially relationships with other broken people.

I say “other” because we are broken too.
The person staring back at us in the mirror often expects from others what we fail to provide ourselves. We do not like being hurt, but we have all hurt people. We have been disappointed, but we have disappointed others. We have been offended, but if we are honest, we have done some offending of our own. We are not always as sweet as we imagine ourselves to be. Neither are the people around us.

Eventually, someone will say the wrong thing. Forget something important. Misunderstand our motives. Fail to meet an expectation. Get on our nerves. Sometimes they will hurt us deeply. People are not always sweet. Even in church. We often enter sacred spaces with soaring expectations. Surely people who worship together should know how to treat one another. Then we discover something disappointing: people are people everywhere you go. Baptism does not erase personality. Church membership does not eliminate immaturity. Church office does not override internal wiring. Saved people are still growing people.
As long as we are building community with human beings who have the capacity to hurt and disappoint each other, there will be some sourness in the recipe.

And sourness makes vulnerability difficult. Once you have been hurt, protecting yourself feels sensible. Every instinct screams, “Leave those church folks alone!” Keep the walls up. Expect nothing. Trust slowly. Protect your peace. Leave before somebody gets another chance to wound you.

So how do we build community when relationships are risky? Scripture gives us an answer: grace. God’s amazing grace. Paul writes, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32).
Kindness is necessary because somebody will eventually be unkind.

Tenderheartedness matters because somebody will fail. Forgiveness exists because sooner or later somebody will do something that requires forgiving.

Biblical community is not built by finding people who never disappoint us.
It is built by people who have received grace learning how to give it. One of the quickest ways to destroy a relationship is to burden another person with unrealistic expectations.

Why can’t you think like me?
Why didn’t you know what I needed?
Why are you still struggling with that?

Without realizing it, we can demand from imperfect people a perfection we cannot provide ourselves. Disappointment becomes resentment. Resentment becomes distance. Distance becomes disconnection.
Peter writes, “Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). That does not mean pretending hurt did not happen. Grace does not call wrong right. Forgiveness does not eliminate accountability. There is a difference between sour and poisonous.

Some relationships require boundaries, distance, counseling, accountability, or consequences. Wisdom matters.

But can we be brutally honest? Many of the interactions that hurt us were not poisonous. They are simply human. Many of the wounds we received came as a result of mistakes that you have also made.
Yes, the devil walks around like a roaring lion, and that lion can sometimes be found sitting in the pews. To be sure, some of us have been the victims of devastating spiritual attacks. I wish that never happened to you and I am truly sorry. Most of us, however, have dealt with misunderstandings, irritating habits, personality differences, thoughtless words, bad days, and moments when someone desperately needs the same grace we will eventually need ourselves.

Yes we are naturally attracted to the sweet, but God uses community to teach us what to do with the sour. And dealing with the sour makes us more like Jesus.
You see, Jesus did not wait for us to become sweet before loving us. Scripture says that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). That is Christ’s pattern. That is where the power is.

Christian love is not merely the ability to enjoy people when they are delightful. Almost anybody can do that. Mature love knows how to remain gracious when the flavor changes.
Building true community does not require finding a group of people who never leave a sour taste in our mouths. It requires enough grace to remember that one difficult moment does not tell the whole story of a person.
After all, God has tasted the worst of us and still chosen to call us His own.

The sweet is easy to love.
We must let grace teach us what to do with the sour.

There are moments in sports media that transcend football, basketball, or television ratings. They become cultural moments that force us to ask uncomfortable questions about work, success, loyalty, and security. The recent reports surrounding Ryan Clark created one of those moments.

After an accomplished NFL career, Clark successfully reinvented himself as one of the most respected football analysts in sports broadcasting. That transition is far more difficult than many realize. Plenty of great athletes struggle to find their voice in television. Clark did the opposite. He became known for more than his athleticism. He is insightful, articulate, and fearless on camera.

Clark spent more than a decade in sports media establishing himself as one of the industry’s most recognizable personalities. In 2023 when he won the “Outstanding Personality/Studio Analyst” category at the 44th Sports Emmy Awards, the “Crescent City News” outlet noted that he beat out notable stars such as Shaquille O’Neal, Charles Barkley, Jay Bilas, Kenny Smith, Tom Verducci and Nate Burleson for his first Sports Emmy. By nearly every traditional measure, Ryan Clark had done everything right.

Then, on July 20, ESPN, for whom Clark worked for 11 years “laid off” the commentator, fired, or otherwise let him go about midway during a live show, during a commercial break.

This conversation thus sparked resonates with countless professionals across America.

The Myth of Being Untouchable

One statement Ryan Clark has shared over the years continues to echo.

His mother taught him that, as a Black man, he would have to work twice as hard to receive half the recognition.

That lesson has been passed from one generation to another in countless African American households. It is not simply advice; for many, it has been a survival strategy. Many of us believed that if we followed those rules, we would eventually become indispensable. The painful reality is that no one is indispensable. Many professionals have quietly believed,

“I’ve earned enough goodwill. I’ve worked hard enough. I’ve produced enough results that my position is secure.”

Life has a way of reminding us otherwise when companies restructure, or the leadership and politics change. Sometimes a record showing years of excellence disappears in a moment of disagreement, or because of a change in direction, or forces completely outside our control. That realization is unsettling because it challenges something many of us have built our identities around.

The Ripple Effect

This conversation extends far beyond one broadcaster, but to every person who has ever been unexpectedly laid off. Every employee who trained their replacement. Every manager who watched loyalty go unrewarded. T’his is true for every worker that believed good performance guaranteed job security. They can all understand this feeling. The ripple effect isn’t simply about employment, rather it’s about trust.  When someone who appears successful suddenly finds themselves on uncertain ground, everyone watching begins asking the same question:

“If it can happen to them, what protects me?”

The honest answer is often uncomfortable: very little.

Success Doesn’t Eliminate Vulnerability

One reason Ryan Clark’s story resonates is because his career represents what many people strive for. He excelled in one profession, and successfully transitioned into another. He built credibility, and expanded his voice. He created opportunities beyond the traditional media landscape, yet even success cannot eliminate vulnerability. That lesson applies to athletes, executives, teachers, factory workers and entrepreneurs. None of us is immune to change or this vulnerability.

A Lesson for Every Professional

For Black professionals especially, this moment revives an old conversation. Many were raised believing that excellence alone would protect them. And, truly, excellence, character, preparation, and integrity matter, but they do not remove uncertainty from life. That is why wisdom requires us to build more than a résumé. We must build ownership as we develop multiple streams of income. Further, we invest in ourselves when we  protect our peace, strengthen our families, and prepare for the seasons we never expected to face.

A job can provide income, but it should never define our worth.

Faith Beyond the Paycheck

Scripture repeatedly reminds us that our security ultimately rests in God, not in institutions.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths ” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

When careers shift unexpectedly, God remains unchanged.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,”  (Jeremiah 29:11).

A closed door is not always the end of the story.

Sometimes it is the beginning of a greater assignment.

The Apostle Paul reminded believers:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

HEART SCAN

In today’s day and age, one of the greatest questions is who can be trusted? Sadly, even in our own families it seems we can’t trust everyone. Parents may have abandoned us, a loved one may have misused and abused us, and the people we trusted the most have disappointed and failed us. 

RESEARCH AND DISCOVERY

So again, we ask, “Who can be trusted?” My friends, I want to point you to one man who can be trusted. In fact, about this man the Bible declares that you can “Trust in the Lord with all your Heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

The Bible declares in Hebrews 13:8 that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.”  Therefore, if He is the same today as He was back then during the time of David, Moses, Noah and all the people of the Bible, then we can surely trust Him today. 

The Bible again declares that this same Man is coming again to this world to save His people. And when He comes Psalms 96:13 says “He is coming to judge the earth. He shall judge the world with righteousness, and the people with His truth.”

This is great news, because we can trust His judicial process because when He judges He will judge using His standard of righteousness and His standard of truth. Therefore, the guilty will get the penalty they deserve and the innocent will be set free. Therefore, we can trust God in His courtroom to make fair decisions.

So, is there anyone left you can trust? Yes, we can trust Jesus because His Word (the Bible)  has been inspired by God  (2 Timothy 3:16).  His Word came about not because some of the greatest minds decided we needed to have something for the human race. But because God’s will was for every person, man and woman, boy and girl, to have a clear understanding of Jesus and His unending love for both you and me and the entire world.

We can trust Jesus and His word because everything in this world will fade, but in His Word not one dot or letter will ever fade away. This is so beautiful because we see that in nature the trees die in the winter and return in the spring. We see that in nature and in daily life things and people die and get destroyed but God’s word will never fade or be destroyed. In fact, the Bible, the only thing that has been able to stand the test and trials of every generation, and today, in this 21st century is still alive and reliable.

REFLECTION

Is there anyone you can trust? I say yes and I point you to the man named Jesus. For He will never let you down, He will never disappoint, and He will never judge you falsely. In fact, all throughout history there have been countless individuals who have put their trust in Him. 

 They have trusted Him with their finances. 

 They have trusted Him with finding a spouse. 

 They have trusted Him with what decisions to make in life.

 They have trusted Him when they were faced with danger. 

 They have trusted Him when they needed victory or deliverance.

 They have trusted Him in the darkest moments of their lives, and each time they have put their trust in Him, Jesus never failed and always delivered. 

My friends, Jesus and His word are eternal. And because of this He can be trusted! And because of His everlasting love and care for you, Jesus can be trusted.  Is there anyone left we can trust? Yes, Jesus because He is the everlasting King, every living, ever-living, ever-loving, ever-truthful Savior.

THE CHALLENGE

Do you want to accept Jesus as your savior today? 

PRAYER

Dear Jesus, today I want to accept You into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I want to develop a relationship with You where I can trust You with my whole heart through the good and the bad. Help me Jesus that I can trust You in the midst of my disappointment and frustration with humans. Save me from my doubt and unbelief. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

This article is part of our 2026 May/June Issue
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“The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him,” (Proverbs 20:7 NKJV).
Father’s Day has never been a holiday that I eagerly anticipated or celebrated with great fanfare. In fact, one of the most memorable Father’s Days of my life happened before I even realized it was Father’s Day.

My son had been born just days earlier in the month of June. I was completely consumed by the joy, responsibility, and wonder of becoming a father. Then my wife handed me flowers and a card signed by her and my newborn son that simply said, “Happy Father’s Day.”

I remember being surprised. I hadn’t even realized it was Father’s Day. At that moment, I wasn’t thinking about celebrations or recognition. I was simply grateful to be a dad.
To this day, that remains one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

The Things Children Don’t See

A few years ago, my son asked me a question that many children have probably asked their fathers in one way or another.
“Dad, how come I never see you worry or stress?”
I laughed and told him the truth.

“Because you’re asleep when it happens. Wake up between one and three in the morning and come to my bedroom. Then you’ll know what a worried father looks like.”

He laughed and went on with his day, but his question stayed with me.
It made me think about my own father.
I rarely saw him worry. I never saw him break under pressure. Somehow, he always seemed to hold everything together. Looking back, I realize that fathers often carry burdens that their children never see. We worry about providing. We worry about protecting. We worry about making the right decisions and preparing our children for a world that can be both beautiful and challenging.
Yet we continue moving forward because that is what fathers do.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you”  1 Peter 5:7 NIV).

The Joy of Watching Your Children Grow

One of the greatest blessings of fatherhood is watching your guidance take root in your child’s life.
There is something special about seeing your child make a wise decision because of a lesson you taught years ago.

There is joy in watching them light up when they see you walk into a school event, a church gathering, a sports game, or simply through the front door after a long day.
Those moments may seem small to the world, but they are priceless to a father.
There are memories made in early morning conversations, late-night talks, car rides, family dinners, and quiet prayers. These are the moments that build a legacy.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
— Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

Being a Father Even When It’s Hard

The truth is, there are days when I don’t feel like being a father.
There are days when I am tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, or stretched thin. But children don’t stop needing their father because he is having a difficult day.
My son, my niece, and my nephew have all taught me that being present matters.
Fatherhood isn’t about convenience. It is about commitment.
It is about showing up consistently enough that when the day comes for them to seek advice, they know exactly where to turn.
Whether they are deciding on a school, purchasing a car, getting a tattoo, choosing a career, or marrying the person they believe is the love of their life, I want to know that I have invested enough wisdom, love, and guidance into them that they can make sound decisions.
Those are the moments when a father sees the fruit of his labor.
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
— 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (ESV)

The Power of a Father’s Legacy

Today, we see examples of father-son legacies all around us.
In sports, business, ministry, and public service, we often witness sons carrying forward lessons learned from their fathers. Whether it is a coach mentoring his child, an athlete following in a parent’s footsteps, or a young man modeling the character he observed at home, these legacies remind us that influence extends far beyond words.
Children learn by watching.
They watch how we treat their mother.
They watch how we handle adversity.
They watch how we interact with others.
They watch how we honor God.
More is caught than taught.
The greatest inheritance a father can leave is not money or possessions. It is character, faith, integrity, and love.
“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children” (Proverbs 13:22 NKJV).

The Ultimate Example of Fatherhood

When I think about fatherhood, I cannot help but think about the greatest Father and Son relationship ever known.
God the Father loved humanity so much that He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem us.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16 NKJV). Jesus demonstrated perfect obedience to His Father, and through His sacrifice, we were given hope, freedom, and salvation.
As earthly fathers, we will never be perfect, but we can strive to reflect God’s love through our actions, our leadership, and our devotion to our families.

A Father’s Day Challenge

To every father reading this, whether you are a new dad holding your first child or caring for a father whose days are now fewer than the years behind him, cherish every moment.
Make Father’s Day more than a card.
Make it more than a phone call.
Make it more than a kiss on the forehead.
Take something meaningful from your father—his wisdom, his perseverance, his faith, his work ethic, his kindness—and add it to your own legacy.
Then pass it down.

Grateful to be Called Dad

Of all the titles I have earned in life, none means more to me than “Dad.”
I am grateful for every lesson, every challenge, every laugh, every sleepless night, every difficult conversation, every hug, every prayer, and every moment shared with my son.
Being a father is not just something I do—it is one of the most important parts of who I am.
My desire is simple: to leave behind a legacy of faith, love, integrity, and service; to be remembered not for what I accumulated, but for how I loved; and to ensure that being a good father remains paramount in my life.
And if God grants me that blessing, then I will consider myself a successful man.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 1:4 NKJV).

Happy Father’s Day to every father, grandfather, mentor, and father figure. May we continue building legacies that honor God and bless generations to come.

What happens when love is present, but communication is off?

The story of Hannah and Elkanah in 1 Samuel 1 answers that question with honesty and hope. This is not a story about a couple falling apart. It is a story about a couple walking through pain, misunderstanding, outside pressure, and delayed answers from God. In other words, it is a story that mirrors many marriages.

Elkanah loved Hannah deeply. Scripture makes that clear. But love by itself did not remove her sorrow. Hannah grieved with the pain of infertility while also enduring the cruel provocation of Peninnah, Elkanah’s other wife. Although Elkanah wanted to help, at times he misunderstood what Hannah needed most. That tension makes this ancient story feel surprisingly current.

For couples today, 1 Samuel 1 offers more than history. It offers a roadmap for better communication.

Lesson 1: Avoid making assumptions.

Elkanah gave Hannah a double portion because he loved her. It was thoughtful. It was generous. But it was not the answer to the ache she carried. One of the easiest ways to miss a spouse is to assume instead of ask. A caring gesture is meaningful, but it cannot replace understanding.

Lesson 2: Make communication meaningful.

Sometimes couples use busyness, responsibilities, gifts, ministry, parenting, or daily routines to avoid deeper conversations. Life gets full. Schedules get tight. But when meaningful connection is replaced by activity, distance can grow quietly. A marriage can look productive on the outside and still feel disconnected within.

Lesson 3: Protect the space between you.

Hannah was not only dealing with internal pain. She was also dealing with an adversary who intentionally made life harder. Every marriage has to guard against outside pressures. Sometimes those pressures come through extended family, social comparison, busy calendars, work demands, or other factors that slowly weaken unity. Strong couples learn how to protect their connection.

Lesson 4: Address problems with wisdom, but promptly.

Hannah’s story repeated yearly. Repeated pain that goes unspoken does not disappear. It settles deeper. On the other hand, rushing into a difficult conversation too quickly can produce careless words. Healthy communication requires wisdom in timing. Not too fast. Not too late. The goal is to address what matters before resentment has room to grow.

Lesson 5: Everything is not about you.

Elkanah asked Hannah, “Am I not better to thee than ten sons?” He meant well, but he centered himself in a moment that required deeper listening. Many couples make this same mistake. A spouse’s grief, silence, or frustration is not always a personal attack. Sometimes the issue is bigger, deeper, and more tender than it first appears. Maturity in communication means slowing down long enough to ask, “What is really hurting here?”

Lesson 6: Make time to talk daily.

Anything can happen in a day. Stress builds. Misunderstandings develop. Emotions shift. Daily conversation helps keep little things from becoming large things. The healthiest communication does not happen only during conflict. It happens in regular check-ins, quiet moments, and consistent space made for each other.

Lesson 7: Allow tension, but not too much.

Not every important conversation will feel easy. Honest communication may come with emotion, discomfort, or correction. That is part of growth. But too much tension can cloud judgment and create more harm than help. Even Eli misread Hannah’s grief and assumed the worst. Couples need enough honesty to deal with real issues and enough wisdom to know when hearts need to cool before words continue.

Lesson 8: Speak honestly with compassion, even when the truth is hard to say.

Hannah answered clearly: “I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit.”

She did not pretend. She did not explode. She did not avoid the truth. She spoke from the heart. Strong communication is not about saying everything harshly and calling it honesty. It is about telling the truth in a way that invites healing instead of increasing injury.

Lesson 9: Listen to understand, not simply to reply.

Once Hannah was heard, the atmosphere changed. There is power in being understood. Many people listen just long enough to defend themselves, fix the problem, or make their next point. Real listening creates peace because it says, “Your heart matters to me.” Listening is more than hearing words. It is making room for meaning.

Lesson 10: Pray and seek God together.

The story reaches a turning point when Hannah and Elkanah worship together before the Lord. That detail matters. Couples need more than communication techniques. They need God’s presence shaping their spirit, softening their pride, and guiding their words. Prayer together builds intimacy because it reminds both people that marriage is not just about solving problems. It is about growing closer to each other while growing closer to God.

The beauty of Hannah and Elkanah’s story is that it is real. It does not present a flawless relationship. It presents a faithful one. Love was there. Pain was there. Misunderstanding was there. Yet God was there too.
That is good news for every couple.

Communication does not have to be perfect to become healthier. It simply has to be intentional. Ask instead of assume. Address instead of avoid. Listen instead of defend. Pray instead of drifting. When couples commit to that kind of communication, even painful seasons can become sacred spaces where God grows love deeper, stronger, and wiser.

It’s time to move on, in every way that counts.

“Hey Daddy, look at me!” I turned my head in enough time to see my son fall face-first in front of me! It must have been painful for him—it was definitely painful for me to watch.

As I helped him up, dusted him off and bandaged him up, I noticed that he had my big size 11^1/2 shoes on his little 8^1/2-year-old feet. From the beginning, he was doomed for failure.

After “debriefing” him I found out that—in his childish, but well-meaning—logic, he had put them on because he “wanted to be grown” like me. He reasoned (wrongly) that this would help him take a step (no pun intended) in the right direction.

Boy was he wrong. He suffered a painful consequence, and a scar on his knee forever to remind him of his mistake.

Breaking Free of Past Patterns

For Valentine’s Day many of you will be actively choosing to make plans that will only cause you to have more regrets in your life.

As another year draws closer to Valentines Day, many of you will be actively choosing to make plans that aren’t positive and will only cause you to have more regrets in your life; thus acting like you’re refusing to graduate, grow up, and move on from toxic relationship foolishness. Some, likely fearful and anxious of what the future holds, resist taking the natural next step in their maturity and will, like the proverbial “Peter Pan” seek to not grow up.

Imagine how silly it was for my son to think he could wear my shoes and still function…I know, unrealistic right? But imagine how much more unrealistic it will be for some of you to think that you can go backwards in your emotional, spiritual and physical development—remaining children.

The Apostle Paul, wrote the Christians at Corinth, in Greece, about the importance of acting their age and I think it’s relevant to what we’re talking about; read it and you decide:

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11, NLT).

Now I know that finishing another year of life hardly qualifies you or your friends as adults, but it does bring you one scary step closer to adult-hood…and that should bring you excitement and anticipation, not fear and anxiety. It’s perfectly normal to be somewhat apprehensive about what the future will bring, but uncertainty about the future is different than sheer terror and paralyzing panic!

A Valentine’s Day Gift to Yourself

So with that being said, I want to give you an assignment, because the month of February is historically focused on relationships, prior to Valentine’s Day, take some time to, instead give yourself a gift; come up with some simple goals about what you want your relationships to look like. God has promised you, that, as a follower of Jesus, you don’t have to continue to live the way that you used to live; you can grow up and mature and improve:

“The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living. Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus             Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires” (Romans 13:12-14).

Think about what you want to accomplish and what your plans are for, not just Valentine’s Day, but for the rest of your life.

Now go on and act your age!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Additional Resources

https://adventist.org/beliefs/official/growing-in-christ

The dusty roads of Asia Minor hummed with commerce, but they also witnessed something extraordinary. In the city of Lystra, the Apostle Paul lay beaten and left for dead outside the city gates. As onlookers gathered around his battered body, something miraculous happened, Paul stood up, dusted himself off, and began praising God for the privilege of suffering for Christ’s sake.

Among the crowd that day stood a young teenager whose life would be forever changed by what he witnessed. The boy’s name was Timothy. Watching Paul’s courage in the face of persecution left an indelible mark on his heart. Sometimes God gives His greatest gifts through our deepest sufferings, and Paul’s beating would become the catalyst for one of the most productive mentoring relationships in Christian history.

When Paul returned to Lystra sometime later to check on the growing church, he heard remarkable reports about this young man named Timothy. The elders spoke of how the teenager had been inspired by Paul’s example and felt called to ministry. Timothy even shared aspirations of one day working alongside the great apostle.

Paul knew the work needed young people of vision and dedication. When he met Timothy, he saw something special, a young man who loved God with all his heart and wouldn’t shrink from suffering for the gospel. Their meeting launched a partnership that would immeasurably bless the early church.

As we study Timothy’s life and what made it successful, seven crucial questions emerge that often determine the trajectory and destiny of one’s life. These insights offer rich guidance for parents, grandparents raising their children and youth seeking a successful life path.

1. Who Raised You?

The foundation of Timothy’s character was laid by two remarkable women: his mother Eunice and his grandmother Lois. These praying women believed God had a special plan for Timothy’s life and nurtured him in Scripture from childhood. Their spiritual investment kept him “pure in speech and unsullied by the evil influences with which he was surrounded.”

“The faith of the mother and grandmother of Timothy in the teachings of the Word of God was a constant lesson to the youth… Their influence prepared him to unite with the apostle Paul and become his helper” The Acts of the Apostles, p. 203

Who raises a child matters enormously. As parents, we’re responsible not just for what we teach, but for what we fail to correct. The old saying rings true: “See something, say something.” Our silence in the face of a child’s wrong choices makes us culpable.

If you weren’t raised by godly parents, take heart. God can send surrogate mentors to guide you. He can give you power to overcome any deficit your upbringing left behind. But if you’re raising children or even influencing youths in some capacity, remember that your influence can influence their entire future. They need more than your words, they need your encouragement, your presence, your engagement.

2. Who Do You Look Up To?

The heroes we admire steer the direction of our lives. Timothy found his spiritual father in Paul, and Paul called him “my true son in the faith” (1 Timothy 1:2). Their relationship was forged in the furnace of shared suffering as they traveled together, facing riots in Thessalonica and working side by side making tents in Corinth (Acts 18:1–4).

But Timothy didn’t just admire Paul from a distance, he constantly sought his advice and instruction. He watched Paul live what he preached and learned the most important lesson: “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

“Show me the heroes you revere and I will show you your future.” Young people, choose your heroes carefully. The people you look up to will influence who you become. Parents, help your children identify godly role models who demonstrate authentic faith in action.

3. What Are You Down With?

This modern phrase asks a timeless question: What do you stand for? What are your values and convictions? What have you purposed in your heart you will never do?

Timothy made clear choices about his values. Like the three Hebrew boys who refused the king’s food (Daniel 1:8–20), he understood that faithfulness in small things leads to strength in greater tests. Your youth isn’t a playground for sinful pleasures, it’s God’s preamble to living out your potential.

“The thoughts and feelings cherished in early life determine the character of the man” Messages to Young People, p. 96

The seeds you sow in youth determine the harvest you reap in life. Your choices now will determine whether you live in bondage or freedom, discipline or destruction, health or disease. Youth is a non-renewable currency, once gone, you can’t bring it back.

This is why Satan targets young people so aggressively. Youth is when divine impressions cling to your heart like ink to new paper, when your character is still pliable and your heart shapes easily under Christ’s love and guidance.

4. Are You Willing to Learn?

Timothy’s education came not from a manual or seminary but through real life experience, traveling, preaching, suffering, and persevering alongside Paul. He learned practical ministry skills, how to handle riots and persecution, the value of hard work, and most importantly, how to follow Christ (Acts 18:3).

Timothy learned to ask himself before every decision: “Is this what God would have me do?” Paul taught Timothy not to move from impulse but to be clear-headed, considerate, and calm under pressure. This kind of learning requires humility and a teachable spirit. Are you willing to learn from those God places in your path?

5. Does Your Life Mission Involve Serving Others?

When Paul traveled to Macedonia, he left Timothy in Ephesus to oversee the church—no easy assignment. Timothy had to contend with false teachers and persecution, but Paul trusted him because he knew Timothy had both knowledge of Scripture and a pastoral heart.

Timothy’s mission wasn’t about personal advancement but about serving and saving the lost. His life was dedicated to building up the church and glorifying Christ. This sense of mission beyond self is what transforms young people from consumers into contributors.

“The Lord requires the training of the mental faculties. He designs that His servants shall possess more intelligence and clearer discernment than the worldling” Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 333.

6. Who Are You Becoming When No One Is Watching?

Character is your internal compass, and it’s built more through private decisions than public ones. Paul encouraged Timothy not to let anyone look down on him because of his youth, but to live in such a way that no one could deny God’s hand on his life.

“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12)

Who you are becoming in character matters more than what you’re achieving in public. Don’t wait until maturity to build character—pour your vigor into virtue now. What you don’t overcome in youth will likely overcome you later in life.

“It is in youth that the foundation is laid for a noble character. Integrity, self-control, industry, economy, faithfulness, and a willingness to do the right because it is right—these are the cornerstones of character” Education, p. 225.

Character building means doing what you have to do now so you can do what you want to do later. This is the best time to seek the Lord and make your youth a season of blessings rather than blunders.

7. Are You Ready to Stir Up Your Gifts?

Paul reminded Timothy to “stir up the gift of God, which is in thee.” This means developing, surrendering, and using the unique abilities God has placed in your life—whether natural talents like music, art, or communication, or spiritual gifts for building up the church.

Gifts grow through use, not neglect. A gift not used is a gift wasted. You’re never too young to stir up your gifts and serve others. As Peter wrote, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another.”

This final question also touches on lordship: Is Jesus your Lord? Paul opened both letters to Timothy acknowledging “Christ Jesus our Lord,” reminding us that Timothy had surrendered his life completely to Jesus.

A Heart’s True Sound

A pediatric nurse would let children listen to their own heartbeats through her stethoscope, and their eyes would always light up with wonder. But one four-year-old boy’s response was unforgettable. After listening intently to the mysterious tapping from deep within his chest, his face broke into a wide grin: “Is that Jesus knocking?”

Perhaps that’s the sound we all need to hear—Jesus knocking at the door of our hearts, especially in the precious years of youth. The question isn’t whether He’s knocking, but whether we’re listening and ready to open the door.

These seven questions from Timothy’s life aren’t just for young people—they’re for all of us who want to live lives that matter. Parents, use them to guide your children. Grandparents, share them with your grandchildren. Young people, let them shape your choices. Let God use you for His glory. The question is: Are you ready to answer His call?

Well, here we are again: the beginning of another school year!

As a school year begins teenagers get involved in dating and relationships and rather than me shouting into the wind with the warning: “Teenagers shouldn’t be dating!” The sad reality is that there will be many—most, in fact—who will ignore my warnings and get seriously involved in dating and relationships.

 Just Being Honest

I just need to be honest with you, because I don’t want you to think that I’ve got my life all together, and I’m writing from a perfect perspective. My own experience with dating and relationships was horrible! It was borne out of a childhood history of significant sexual trauma and abuse. I had some profound holes in my soul and I was hoping that I could plug them with someone else. Sadly, this never works for anyone. I seriously dated someone—the same one–from the summer of my 8^th grade year to the summer of my college freshman year!

Now, realistically speaking, the reasons why teenagers get involved in dating vary from person to person, but generally, we all seek to connect with others as a way of getting our needs met. Now, God created us as human beings for close emotional connection, but we really don’t gain anything extra by having boyfriends or girlfriends.  What I’m trying to say is that you can receive all the benefits of having healthy interpersonal friendship relationships; the only thing that’s extra is the…extra stuff aka “physical benefits”– everything from holding hands, hugging, kissing, to sexual behaviors, etc. God doesn’t want you to experience a lot of those things until you get married. It’s “best practice” to maintain these standards, even if they sound outdated. Physical touch is a serious trigger for a lot of people–especially guys. For guys appearance and physical touch are both a serious trigger. Not so much for young women; for them, words are more of a trigger. That said, you can connect on a meaningful level, even without all of that when the time is right for you to date.

Checklist for New School Year

If you go to any store during this time of the year, you’ll find people wandering around doing school shopping with a specific class checklist of what they need in order to be successful. This week I want to spend time going over my own version of this. Over the years many teens have asked me questions related to dating and relationships, but probably the number one question has got to be: “what kinds of things should you be looking for in somebody to date?” My answer is always, “What kind of person would you want your son or daughter to date?”

I know, I know, it’s kind of a sneaky answer on my part. But there’s something really powerful about helping a teenager get out of that “me-first” mentality—even if it’s only for a little while. They usually start talking a mile a minute, and I start writing equally as fast. When we’re all done, they literally have a “checklist” of good character qualities.

Now, I don’t normally believe in checklists. I believe in principles—both clear and implied—in order for them to live successful, long, and happy lives. But in this case a checklist is a good thing to create. By the way, it’s OK if your checklist grows as you grow and mature. By the time you hit your mid-20s, which research shows is the earliest you should really be looking to get married anyway (that’s the whole point of dating, after all), you’ll be ready to look seriously and honestly at any potential spouses.

My list is based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Galatians 5:22, 23; my experiences dealing with counseling; teens; my personal dating experiences–both good and bad; and what research shows to be important:

1. Does the person have a strong, real relationship with Jesus?
2. Does the person have a strong conscience, a strong moral compass?
3. Do my parents, friends, mentors, and other important and influential people who know me well agree with this relationship?
4. Does the person have clear short- and long-term goals or a vision for their life?
5. Is the person jealous toward appropriate and supportive relationships I have toward others of either sex?
6. Does the person act kind and loving toward family, friends, and strangers?
7. Are they joyful? (Joy is different than happiness—happiness typically is more shallow, and joyfulness kind of bubbles up from inside.)
8. Are they peaceful, generally calm? Or are they always in the middle of a crisis or always having a crisis?
9. Is the person patient?
10. Is the person self-controlled, or do they often curse, lose their temper, shout, scream, and just generally act out of control?
11. Are they gentle with others—specifically strangers?
12. Does the person have a strong sense of justice—do they get upset when other people are treated unfairly or disrespectfully?
13. Is the person assertive—do they stand up for themselves?
14. Are they optimistic?
15. How does this person treat their parents, siblings, and people of the opposite sex in their life?
16. Does this person have appropriate friends? What kind of company do they keep? (People are like tofu—they soak up the flavor of the things they’re around.)
17. Can they deal with conflict appropriately and maturely? Are they willing to solve problems and not bring up past hurts when you’re having a disagreement?
18. Are they pure—do they have pure thoughts and motives?
19. Are they trustworthy? If they tell you they’ll do something, can you count on them to get it done?
20. Do they always tell the truth?
21. Are they a gossiper? Do they spread rumors, or do they actively try to stop them?
22. Do they take care of their body by getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating right?
23. Do they accept responsibility for their behavior and not make excuses?
24. Do they have good self-esteem/self-worth?
25. Do they like children?
26. Do they accept you just the way you are?
27. Are they supportive of your short- and long-term life goals?
28. Can they accept advice, guidance, and counsel even if it’s difficult to hear?
29. Are they willing to grow and change?
30. Are they unselfish and focused on others?
31. Are they appropriately affectionate, or do they pressure you to be overly physically affectionate or to have sex?
32. Are they addicted to anything, or do they have any other glaringly bad habits?

What I Didn’t Focus On?

Did you notice that I didn’t mention any of the things that people normally first look at or base their decisions on such as looks, style, or financial status? That’s because you should be looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside. Proverbs 31:30 points out: “Charm can be deceiving, and beauty fades away, but a woman who honors the Lord deserves to be praised” (CEV).

While doing premarital and marital counseling, I’ve found that folks are drawn ultimately to the person on the inside. And when they fall in love with the person on the inside, that person starts to look really good to them on the outside, too, as opposed to the other way around. The bottom line is that if all you’re focusing on is what a person looks like on the outside, you’re going to be disappointed both in the short and long term.

If This World Were Mine

First John 2:15-17 makes it clear that we as Christians should be focusing on more in our relationships than what this world has to offer. This passage advises: “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever” (NASB).

What does John really mean in this passage of Scripture? Well, the “lust of the flesh” is a passion to feel pleasure. The “lust of the eyes” is a passion for obtaining possessions. And the “boastful pride of life” is a passion for importance or position. So to sum it up, most of the people in this world worship sex, money, and power! But God is trying to tell us that we don’t need to focus on these things.

Here comes the uncomfortable question Are you focusing on the “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” as your primary reasons for dating somebody? If so, you’re going to experience a lifetime of pain, hurt, and ultimately a failed relationship. If you focus on somebody who is doing the will of God, then you’re more likely to succeed relationally and be joyful and fulfilled!

The person you choose to date and marry will, besides your parents, have the greatest and most important impact upon the quality of your relationship with—maybe even your very salvation…(no pressure!)

So choose wisely!

Enjoy your new school year!

“We came close together and then our lips touched in a kiss…” Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Where are you going with this Dr. Berry? This is a Christian magazine. Well, the above line is to capture your attention so you will want to read further. Did I succeed?

For a few moments, I want to explore the dangers of kissing. Yes you read it correctly. Dangers of a kiss. Believe it or not, a kiss can kill.

The story is reported that in 2012, 20 year-old Miriam Ducre-Lemay had a severe allergy to peanuts. This means that she would have an anaphylactic reaction if exposed to this nut, even remnants of the peanut. The result would be that her airway would swell and cut off her breathing. The brain and heart would then be deprived of necessary oxygen, and she could die. Well, she did not tell her boyfriend about this severe allergy and also she did not carry an EpiPen, two essential elements that would have rectified her ultimate demise.

The story is that her boyfriend had just eaten a peanut butter sandwich and gave Miriam a good night kiss. She soon began to have allergic symptoms and when she found out what he had eaten, she told him to call 9-1-1. She soon became unresponsive, however, and although he attempted CPR, it was too late. She died of cardiopulmonary arrest on her way to the hospital. A kiss had killed.

The above story is an extreme case of complications from a kiss and although we need to be aware, I do not in any way recommend stopping this act of affection. Yet, we all need to take precautions. There are other potential complications from this form of salutation. Let me unpack a little more. I will call them “lipstick hitchhikers”.

Ah, the kiss—Shakespeare called it “the seal of love,” but modern medicine might call it a germ-sharing handshake of the lips. While we cherish kisses as expressions of love, passion, or, occasionally, an awkward obligation at family reunions, they can also come with uninvited guests. Yes, a kiss can transmit more than affection. Now let’s have some fun with a kiss and famous writers.

The Classic: The Common Cold

“What’s in a name? That which we call a cold by any other name would be just as annoying.” Apologies to Juliet, but the humble rhinovirus spreads like wildfire through kisses. Just one innocent peck can deliver the sniffles with the efficiency of next-day shipping.

Mono: The “Kissing Disease”

Mononucleosis, courtesy of the Epstein-Barr virus, is, as one writer wrote, the original gangster of kissable infections. Mark Twain might have quipped, “Too much of anything is bad, but too much kissing is worse if you end up bedridden for weeks.” Expect fatigue, fever, and swollen glands as your consolation prize.

Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV-1): The Unforgettable One

Kisses are memorable; herpes is unforgettable. This virus causes cold sores that occasionally pop up like uninvited party guests, especially when you are under stress. Oscar Wilde might have said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance… and to avoid catching cold sores in the process is a bonus.”

Meningitis: A Rare but Serious Surprise

Sharing saliva via kissing can spread meningitis-causing bacteria. It’s not a common smooching souvenir, but as Hemingway might have noted, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some become stronger, while others get antibiotics.”

Cytomegalovirus (CMV): The Stealthy Intruder

CMV is a member of the herpes family that rarely causes symptoms but can complicate life for those with weak immune systems. Dickens could have said, “It was the best of kisses, it was the worst of kisses.”

Prevention: Kissing Smart

Before you panic and start blowing kisses from six feet away, relax. Most of these infections are only mildly inconvenient for healthy individuals.

A little common sense goes a long way:

• If someone’s sick, especially if they have lesions on the lips, skip the lip-lock and go for the elbow bump.
• Maintain good oral hygiene—because bad breath and germs can be tragic.
• Maybe don’t share lip balms, drinks, or those questionable gas station lollipops.

• And of course don’t just kiss any stranger that presents their lips to you. ( Did I really have to say that to you?)

Love may be blind, but germs aren’t picky.

So, the next time you lean in for a kiss, remember: Love may be blind, but germs aren’t picky. As Voltaire said, “The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.” Until then, stay healthy, and may your kisses be as safe as they are sweet!

“I can’t do it. I just can’t do it! I can’t handle it again this year! Everyone laughing, smiling, and celebrating. Everyone just…living…” her voice trailed off, as she quickly turned her face away from me, as if reacting to her name suddenly being called.

Jazmine, a seventeen year-old high school Junior, had just learned the news that her father had decided to get re-married, and she was not taking it well at all. Jazmine was profoundly disillusioned and shattered about it all.

She shouted, and her face was so red I thought that she was going to have a stroke, “how can he do this to me! I mean, they’re planning to get married on Christmas day. Doesn’t he care that that’s when his wife—my mother—died?! She died on Christmas day just last year! I mean…how can he…I can’t…I just can’t…”

Jazmine was destroyed and there was nothing that I could do for her other than to just sit with her and allow her to get out all her feelings. Needless to say, she would not enjoy Christmas day, or the entire Christmas season this year; and I feared that if she couldn’t effectively process this anger, grief and loss, that she–nor Christmas–would ever be the same again.

Admittedly, Jazmine’s story is an extreme example, but I shared it because I needed for us all to be reminded of this simple and powerful point: for many people, the Christmas season is not a time of happiness, celebration, or joy; in fact, it’s likely that it represents very negative experiences, memories, and emotions.

What do we do with this reality? How can we personally effectively get through this time of the year or help someone we know and love to get through it in a way that’s healthy?

Some Real-Talk

Okay, real-talk: for many, Christmastime is a very painful time of the year and may only serve to highlight any number of negative personal issues that they’re dealing with. I’m not going to bore you with tons of research about this but the fact is that you don’t have to read one study to know that this is 100% true.

In fact, it might surprise you to know that during this time of the year, the vast majority of people feel wounded emotionally, physically exhausted, and spiritually depleted.

Praise God that the Bible gives us a wonderful story of someone who’s in this same struggle and what God does to help them. I know that there are some wonderful lessons to learn that can bless us as we learn how to more effectively get through this holiday.

The Bad News & The Good News

It might surprise you to know that the Bible calls us all “treasures in fragile clay jars.” I know, it’s not such a positive or glowing description in our me-focused, body-positive, self-actualized culture—but it’s the truth!

However, Paul, the writer, has to remind us of the reality of the bad news so we’ll be primed to hear (and accept) the good news.

Here’s the whole quote:

. . . but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies (2 Corinthians 4: 7-10, NLT).

I don’t know about you, but every day (especially during this time of the year, when it’s cold) my fingers, hands, elbows, and knees remind me that I’m a clay pot.

Four Things to Do to Have Good Grief

The Old Testament story of Elijah fleeing Jezebel’s death threat in 1 Kings 19: 1-18 teaches us four lessons to heal from grief. Take a moment and read the story and then we’ll see what we can learn. We can also figure out how to apply it to healing from our grief. We can then ensure we can experience all the wonderful things that God wants for us to receive from Christmas.

1. Remember that devastating circumstances can happen to us unexpectedly, catching us off guard (v. 2).
Elijah was threatened with death by Jezebel. Now, hopefully your life won’t be threatened, but any sort of emergency can happen which can cause us to feel out of control. When this happens it tends to place us into an anxiety stress response of fight, flight, or freeze, and heighten the symptoms of grief, anxiety and depression. Christmastime seems to make bad situations worse, simply because it’s a time that highlights how seemingly perfect everything in life should be; and when it’s not, it can really throw us into a tailspin.

2. When we’re in the midst of this stressful situation it taxes our reserves and throws us into an unhealthy situation (vv. 3, 4).
Elijah, fearing for his life, fled for his life. He literally ran off into the desert and ran all day. He was physically and emotionally exhausted. It’s critical for us to have healthy coping skills and to live our lives with balance and self control. Unfortunately, during the holidays, lack of healthy limits in our lives can have devastating results. To that end, in the “Additional Resources” section below, I’ve included a link for some resources that I think will help to restore healthy balance.

3. When all our personal resources are taxed to the limit, we can make some extremely unwise—and even dangerous—life decisions (v. 4).
Elijah, emotionally worried, physically exhausted, and running for his life, became suicidal. I’ve seen this happen to many people. The holidays, statistically speaking, have a higher incidence of times when people can become and feel suicidal. When this happens, what’s the solution?

4. When we reach the end of our rope and become hopeless and despairing, the most effective thing to do is…to do nothing! The solution is first, to rest and recuperate (vv. 5-8). For almost thirty years, when I’ve worked with individuals who had reached the end of their ropes, they always, always reported that they felt and thought better when they had time to rest and recuperate. But physical rest and rejuvenation stops the person from being on the depression treadmill so to speak. It gives the person the opportunity to begin to rebuild their stores of reserves. However, rest isn’t the final solution. It’s only one part of a total package of healing. Physical rest allows the person to have the margin to begin to deal emotionally with whatever’s happening.

5. When someone is depressed, they’re perspective on reality is warped and distorted. It’s critical for them to take time to first, talk to God, about what’s happening, and then to take the opportunity to get some Biblical counseling, for healing (vv. 9-18). Just like Elijah having a mistaken understanding and perspective about what was happening to him as well as who God was and His role in his life—and specifically, his crisis situation, when bad things happen to us, we can also end up having a warped perspective about our own realities and God’s interactions in our lives. That’s why it’s so important to take the time to listen well to God’s voice and to take the time to listen well to the voices of other trusted people in our lives.

Repeat after me: “I can love Jesus and my Therapist, too.”

Counseling is not evil. But it takes time and is hard work. Realistically speaking, there are no short cuts in counseling, but, if you do the hard work in counseling, and don’t turn a blind eye to when you have a crisis situation in your life, you can come out of it stronger than when you went in.

“It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!”

Christmas should be the most wonderful time of the year, and, if we take the time to recognize our own personal issues and respond to them appropriately, it can be.
Before you know it, you’ll be happy, healthy, and singing, out joining the crowd in singing those famous words “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”
At least…until you get the credit card statement in January 2025!
Merry Christmas and don’t forget that God loves you and wants you to live your life in balance.

Additional Resources

Good Grief: Surviving the Holidays

Creation Life System

Next Level Health

Take Charge of Your Health