“I can’t believe it! I won’t be able to relax at all! All during Thanksgiving break I’ll have to, like, research and write. How can I chill…?!” His voice trailed off, like he’d just been pushed off the side of a cliff.
Marcus, a high-school Senior, and who had just recently been accepted to a prestigious university on a full football scholarship, was sharing his response to my counseling question: In the past week, what’s the one thing that’s stressed you out the most? I looked at him, and tried to be empathetic and supportive but I guess it didn’t show on my face at all.
“Come on Mr. O—surely I can get some love from you, of all people. It’s not so unreasonable that we shouldn’t have to focus on this term paper over this break. I mean, I won’t be able to watch any football at all!”
I responded, not being able to hide my laughter, “hey man, I feel for you, but at least you can record the games and watch them later, and…”
Marcus jumped up from his chair and started angrily flailing his arms up and down in protest, while he interrupted me “Noooo! That’s the thing! Maaannn! My dad isn’t going to let me record any of the games!”
I didn’t respond immediately and waited a full minute for him to calm down again, and I raised up a hand and motioned to him, like a police officer would wave forward traffic at a broken stop light. Marcus sighed heavily and sheepishly informed me that the reason why he had to cram to write this term paper over the break and wouldn’t be able to watch any of the games was because the paper was assigned at the beginning of the Fall semester but he waited until the last minute to do any of the work on it; and, furthermore, the real reason why he wouldn’t be able to record any of the games was because it was discipline meted out by his father as a consequence of his laziness and lack of planning.
I nodded my head in silent understanding and simply asked Marcus to focus on what he could control during the break and I encouraged him to change his focus and to be thankful for the blessings that he could still have.
Marcus sat quiet and still for two entire minutes (an eternity for a teenager), pondering what I had said. He let out a slow, deep sigh, and simply said, “you know what Mr. O, I’m thankful that my dad loves me enough to cut off my football—’cause he knows that that really got my attention. I’m never going to do that again. I know that he wants me to be successful in school…in college, I mean…and I guess in life, too. You know what’s crazy? A lot of my friends are always wanting to hang out at my place ’cause their parents like don’t care about them and it’s like they know that my dad does care and they think he’s pretty cool. I guess I kinda take him for granted. When I get home I’m gonna let him know that I love him. That’ll blow his mind. He’s gonna wonder what I’m trying to get out of.”
With that statement we laughed out loud.
It took Marcus having a problem to get him to change the way he thought about gratitude and thankfulness, and, unfortunately, many times that’s what God needs to do in order to get our attention.
Changing Your Thankfulness Focus
In the Bible there’s a story about a group of people who were dealing with a difficult situation, and Jesus got their attention and helped them to learn to change their thankfulness focus, too.
“Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, ‘Jesus, Master, have pity on us!’
“When he saw them, he said, ‘Go, show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went, they were cleansed.
“One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
“Jesus asked, ‘Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?’ Then he said to him, ‘Rise and go; your faith has made you well’ ” (Luke 17:11–19, NIV).
Choosing to be “Super Duper!”
I share this story because several years ago I had a reality-shifting conversation with an elderly gentlemen at a nursing home in Atlanta where I was working. I simply asked him how he was doing. From his wheelchair, he grabbed my arm, pulled me down to his level, looked me dead in the eyes, and after what seemed like an eternity (probably only five seconds or so), quietly but firmly responded, “I’m SUPER-DUPER! Any day above ground is a great day!”
I stood up, bid him goodbye, and went on the rest of my rounds for that day.
You might think, So what? What’s the big deal? So he’s a happy guy . . . But what you don’t know is that he was blind, partially deaf, confined to a wheelchair because of his blindness, and he had really bad diabetes, which means he had lost both of his feet and legs to that horrible disease. On top of that, he had a bunch of numbers tattooed on one of his forearms—not because he dug skin art, but because he lived through the Jewish Holocaust of World War II and survived a Nazi death camp. This guy witnessed many of his family and friends die . . . and yet he could still find happiness and wonder in each day!
He would spend his days wheeling himself around his floor by the handrail on the wall and striking up cheerful conversations with anybody and everybody with whom he came into contact. This guy was the unofficial nursing home ambassador and brightened everybody’s days—including mine. Don’t miss it. No matter what was stacked against him, he chose his attitude; he chose to be super-duper!
But here was the thing that blew me away: he (like the one leper who came back to thank Jesus) wasn’t even a Jesus follower . . . he wasn’t a Christian!
He knew there was a God and recognized that He created everything and that He was in charge. He just wasn’t a Christian, and he never really discussed with me his reasons why, and out of respect, I didn’t ask.
But I learned a lot from that gentlemen, and I mean that word in the truest sense; he really was a gentle-man. He was thoughtful, caring, compassionate, empathetic, full of kindness and grace toward others, and always, always, always thankful.
I was much younger back then, but I think about him especially during this season of the year, when our collective focus (at least in the United States) is upon being thankful.
Thanksgiving Assignment
In my counseling, I’m known to give my clients weekly assignments, because I’ve found that when someone has the opportunity to apply a theory, skill, or a lesson learned, they benefit from it significantly more than just hearing about it. This is going to sound like a super-cheesy and simple thing to do, but for the entire month, I want to give you the assignment to keep a list of things that you’re thankful for. Now, it doesn’t have to be fancy. For instance, in my living room I have a used (but clean) two dollar disposable plastic food container that I daily fill with a folded piece of paper, in which I write one thing that I’m thankful for that day. I want you to do the same thing. Then on Thanksgiving day, or at the end of the month, take time to read all the things. I know that you will receive a great blessing from it.
David, the psalmist, gave God thanks for his God-ness: “Praise the LORD! Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever” (Psalm 106:1, NLT). I think that this is an important practice that we, in our fast-paced culture have gotten away from.
So today, I want to challenge you to take time every day (not just during November) and, from the bottom of your heart, give God thanks for everything you’ve got . . . and if you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, you can thank Him that you’re above the ground.
Happy Thanksgiving season
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