Pedophila in the Christian Church-An Oxymoron or Conundrum
Pedophilia—it can’t be happening in God’s house, can it? This subject alone is one that most Christian churches don’t even focus on. In fact, the Christian church as a whole speaks of this as though it happens only “in the world” and not in the church. As a matter of fact, most Christians might possibly admit to maybe knowing of someone who had the experience, but rarely does the conversation take on a personal nature. As a Christian writer, I’ve decided to share a story from my own family in hopes that it will shed light on this for someone else, and bring healing to someone who is still hurting.
It happened to my brother. He was 14, and my parents were divorced, both running around living their own lives, trying to make up for lost time and trying to find love in all of the wrong places. My father was running women, smoking, drinking, and just doing his thing. My mother, besides having boyfriends to help pay the rent, was in school and was working 3 jobs just to make ends meet. Our uncle was concerned about his nephews not having a dad, and decided to spend more time with them. He sexually approached my older brother first, who fought off his advances, but my other brother needed the attention, and thus, my uncle’s advances were accepted.
My uncle sexually assaulted my brother on a regular basis in my grandparents’ home. He had a separate apartment space in the home, and no one suspected a thing. My brother left at age 17 to serve in the Armed Forces, and never returned home. He also left the church, became a practicing homosexual, and lives that lifestyle until this day.
It happened to my cousin The same uncle molested my cousin (statistics demonstrate that pedophiles have more than one victim within the same family). My cousin and brother were the same age, and both sets of parents were going through a divorce, thus both children were preyed upon. This cousin also became a practicing homosexual, but died from AIDS 10 years later. He, too, left the church.
I could tell you many more stories, of my best friends, 40 percent of whom were molested from the ages of 7 to 15—all by members professing to be Christians. Besides making you sick, it would only solidify the fact that we as the Christian church do indeed have a problem. More important, let’s talk about the profile of pedophiles, because they do not always present themselves as a pervert.
What they look like Often, more than not, they have been to your house, served you Communion, ushered in your church, and probably have demonstrated very few characteristics that the normal person would delineate. These offenders, and especially those who do not meet the normal diagnosis criteria for pedophilia, take part in becoming a pedophile in situations that are characterized as situational or opportunistic. These offenders are those who say later “it just happened.” In fact, further documentation demonstrates that only 2 to 10 percent of child sexual abuse perpetrators meet normal criteria for being considered a pedophile.1
In addition to this, statistics also demonstrate that 60 percent of those who have a history of using pornography drift into becoming pedophiles. I know of those who state that “I view only adult porno—I don’t do kids.” News flash—serial murderers don’t start out killing groups of women; they start out fantasizing. Further research demonstrates that it takes only 3 seconds for a thought to be in one’s mind before it’s implanted in the gray matter permanently. Furthermore, pornography changes the actual gray matter of the brain and is as addictive as cocaine.2
Thus the appetite for these types of sexual perversions increases to such a magnitude that what one once craved is no longer enough, and hormonal levels dictate the need for more and more perversion. Thus it is only the power of God that can deliver anyone from these types of perversion.
Prevention is the best cure Several pieces of insight have been garnered from research and experience.
Be careful whom you leave your children with. I don’t care if it is a relative or Brother White from the church. Current research demonstrates that those who are pedophiles prey on what are considered familial victims, and frequently extrafamilial—translation, church member.3
Believe what your children tell you. More often than not, your children will tell you, whether spoken or unspoken, that something is going on. If your child is one to fantasize or tell a lie, you may have to investigate a little more. Do it! If it’s not happening, then you still have a problem. You have a child who is crying out for attention, so give them what they need. If you are doing that, then psychological intervention may be required.
Watch those people who always want to take your children somewhere, especially if you are a single parent. I know of one church member who is a single male and often volunteered to take out the kids of the church who had single parents. While this is noble and while I certainly don’t wish to imply that everyone is a pedophile, since some of the girls have now become adults, they have mentioned that “Uncle Bill” touched their leg while at the movies, or often talked to them late at night about their sexual relationships with boys. This is perversion and another form of pedophilia!
Find time for your children. One of the main reasons that both my brother and cousin were molested was that both of them were in situations in which the parents were so consumed with their own divorces, dating scenarios, and other madness. While the parents were living their lives their sons were being raped by their uncle, and the parents weren’t even aware! Self-absorption can do that to you. My suggestion? Although you may be lonely and torn down from your personal situation, take comfort in God, pray and ask the Lord to help you, and raise your kids first! The Lord promises in His Word that He will be your husband (and your wife) and that He will give you your heart’s desires. Put the Lord first and watch what He will do for you.
An Oxymoron or a Conundrum? The oxymoronic situation is that of the church being identified as a “hospital for sinners” but, once someone admits that they suffer with this type of sin, they are put out of the church. Thus the situation becomes a conundrum, since help is not provided for those who suffer from what is considered a hideous sin. How then do we, as a church, provide assistance for those who suffer and for those who need help?
Allow the victim to confess their sins without condemnation, but with confrontation. Our uncle has since repented of his sins, joined the church, married and moved on, but not without confrontation from the victim. It was painful, yet healthy, for my brother to confront and forgive our uncle for what he had done, not only to my brother, but how it affected the family as a whole. Victims are affected their entire life, but confrontation allows the affected one to state what they feel without feeling like the incident was their fault.
Encourage the offender to seek counseling. This type of perversion cannot be overcome without serious counseling and reconciliation.
Allow the offender to receive the consequences of the sin. Jesus forgives, and that is a wonderful thing, but He allows us to receive the consequences of our sin. Pedophilia is an offense punishable by law, and thus needs to be reported as such. Covering for the person may only allow the perpetrator to continue in their sin. Allow the legal system to decide where the line of mercy and justice should be drawn.
The Christian church must learn to embrace those who sin, no matter what the sin is. It is in these instances that although our levels of love are tried, forgiving and helping is our call. This is what Jesus has called us to do.
EVIE REED, PH.D., is a pseudonym.
References:
1Abel, G. G., Mittleman, M. S., & Becker, J. V. (1985). “Sexual Offenders: Results of Assessment and Recommendations for Treatment.” In Clinical Criminology: The Assessment and Treatment of Criminal Behavior (pp 207-220). Toronto, Canada: M & M Graphics.
2Willingham, Russell. (1999). Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addictions and the Healing Power of Jesus. Intervarsity Press.
3Ward, T., Hudson, S. M., Marshall, W. L., & Siegert, R. J. (1995). “Attachment Style and Intimacy Deficits in Sexual Offenders: A Theoretical Framework.” In Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 7, 317-334. |
