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Just Like Her Dad
Ask any little girl who her favorite Bible character is and you will often hear her exclaim without hesitation, “Esther!” The story of this young orphan whose beauty captivated a king, whose manners and deportment charmed the royal court, and whose courage saved a nation is worthy of the admiration of girls and women alike. But is this only a story to encourage our young women? How did Esther get to be the woman she turned out to be?
The Bible says Esther “had neither father nor mother” (Esther 2:7) and was “brought up” and adopted by her cousin, Mordecai. In fact, the literal translation says that Mordecai nourished her. Not much is said about Mordecai. But what we do know is that he cared a great deal about Esther. Much is said about the importance of a strong relationship between a father and his son. But studies are now showing the life-changing impact a present, loving, supportive father can have in the life of his little girl.
The shocking facts
In her book, Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women, Jonetta Rose Barras says: “A girl abandoned by the first man in her life forever entertains powerful feelings of being unworthy.” She calls this feeling “the aura of unworthiness” that many seek to placate by sexual promiscuity or other inappropriate behavior. A 2003 study done by researchers in the United States and New Zealand “found strong evidence that father absence has an effect on early sexual activity and teenage pregnancy. Teens without fathers were twice as likely to be involved in early sexual activity, and seven times more likely to get pregnant as an adolescent.”
Society places the blame on a variety of factors: from lack of funding for sex education programs, to failed parenting. In looking back on how unwed mothers (and fathers) were dealt with in the 1950s, coauthors, Dr. Alvin Poussaint, and activist/comedian Bill Cosby agreed on the importance of the father. “Parenting works best when both [emphasis supplied] a mother and a father participate” (Come on People: On the Path From Victims to Victors). But participation isn’t all. There must also be a real father/daughter emotional connection. Studies show higher incidences of developing harmful, addictive behavior when there is a poor parent/child relationship. A 2004 report entitled Family Structure, Father Closeness and Delinquency states that close relationships with a father, or father figure “regardless of the type of family structure in which they live,” is instrumental in preventing the child from ‘engaging in delinquent behavior.’”
Scripture indicates that perhaps Mordecai and Esther had that necessary bond. Attributes shown in Esther’s conduct during stressful situations also prove that she received a solid spiritual, mental, and emotional foundation.
All of this is not to say that Esther couldn’t have learned any of these things from a female figure in her life. Mothers provide many positive elements in a daughter’s life. “Nevertheless, while in many ways a woman sets the standard for society, there still are limitations to a mother’s sphere of influence. She can give all of herself to a child and still come up short” Barras points out. Fathers tend to “loosen the reins,” so to speak, and allow more freedom to explore, thus developing confidence, determination, and strong principles.
So what can we learn from Mordecai? In addition to being a good provider, Mordecai gave his daughter four key elements that made her life a blessing.
Security
A father needs to think about more than just the physical protection of his daughter. As she gets older, her emotions will require the same attentiveness and diligence.
Mordecai earned Esther’s trust. He provided godly guidance, an authoritative figure, and a safe place to ask her questions and unload her concerns. She knew that he had her best interest at heart. She learned to obey him, knowing that he loved her and was looking out for her. She listened to his wisdom (see Esther 2:10). By providing sound advice when necessary, by being her Rock of Gibraltar, Mordecai had her back; thereby giving her the freedom to shine and become what God called her to be—a queen.
Identity
Esther didn’t have the title “orphan” any longer. She now belonged to Mordecai. She was his star. Outside of any memory of her father, Mordecai would be, in her mind, the first man who ever loved her. He would hold a very special place in her heart.
Through Mordecai, she also came to know her heavenly Father. Although the name of God is not found throughout the whole book of Esther, she knew she could turn to Him during a time when her earthly father could not help her. She could count on Him during frightening and uncertain times. She belonged to the family of the Most High.
Accessibility
During the 12 months of Esther’s royal training and preparation, Mordecai “would walk back and forth in front of the courtyard of the harem, in order to find out how she was getting along and what was going to happen to her” (Esther 2:11, TEV).* If she needed him, for whatever reason, he was there.
It’s about making time for what’s important to you. Giving your undivided attention; being an active listener; giving her the most precious commodity of all—your time—is worth more than the purest gold.
Uninterrupted conversation, appropriate affection, and sharing a good laugh—all are immensely valuable to opening the door to her heart, and keeping it open—which is essential for your daughter to feel that she can come to you whenever she needs to, and even when she doesn’t, but wants to—just because.
Integrity
In Child Guidance, p. 165, author Ellen White writes: “Every act of life, however unimportant, has its influence in forming the character. A good character is more precious than worldly possessions, and the work of forming it is the noblest in which men can engage.” The word “character” is not found in the Bible; however, you will find the word “integrity.” In fact, the Hebrew word for integrity basically means “to live uprightly.”
You can learn a lot about a person in times of crisis or under pressure. Mordecai’s sense of integrity and, perhaps, what his daughter witnessed in his everyday life is evidenced in his encounter with Haman in Esther 3:1-4. His desire to stand on principle—even though he stood alone—may have been the catalyst that gave Esther the strength to stand courageously and call injustice by its right name.
The saying goes: “Behind every successful man is a great woman.” What made that woman so “great”? Hopefully, as in the case of Esther, and perhaps, with your own daughter, the quote will be continued: “and behind that great woman was a great, godly, spirit-filled, loving dad.”
Debra McKinney Banks is a freelance writer and home school mom living in western Maryland with her husband and their three children.
References
*Bible texts credited to TEV are from the Good News Bible—Old Testament: Copyright © American Bible Society 1976, 1992; New Testament: Copyright © American Bible Society 1966, 1971, 1976, 1992.
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